Saturday, 15 December 2012

Im sick being disappointed all the time

It’s been a long week mostly due to stress.  I have a lot of stuff going on these days, but it’s all worse and complicated because Im having driving class.  Dad said Im goin to take car license follow by motorcycle. But dad, why?? Its sad when you had no choice because your dad already make a decision. No excuses. Dear, holiday. Anything can happen in one day. Do you believe it?? That feeling you get when you want to enjoy your holiday before you're goin to continue your studies but then something happened..
After being disappointed so many times, I start to lose hope in everything. Everything that I've done is just stupid. Too stupid. Idiot. Thats the only word which can describe me right now. Dont you just HATE when you did amazing things like trying to be nice with your aunty or your nephew, calling them during night before SPM, buying them some clothes, shopping together, playing together just to make them happy and more comfort with us and then get nothing from it. I just hate the fact that I put myself in a position to be let down in the first place. I just want a happy family. Can you hear me, Ummi? Zack? Nadia? Stop being selfish. This ruined my dream which I wanna have a big happy family. 

My friend says 'Sometimes it's not people who really let you down. Sometimes it's you, who put too much expectations on them.' Reeeeeeeeally?

Untuk Ummi. Kita duduk dekat dunia ni untuk cari bekalan untuk dibawa di akhirat sana. Ingat lah harta, pangkat, kekayaan semua tak akan jamin kita di mana kita ditempatkan nanti :') Kalau betul bukan salah sesiapa, cuba duduk bincang elok elok. Bukan macam ni caranya..Terpulang. Semoga Allah sentiasa beri hidayah dan petunjuk pada hambanya..

I go to your page just now because I Miss You, Mr Pie Chart, then I regret it because of what I see. Every time I feel this, I trick myself to think that its gonna be okay. Then it burst into tears. But hey. Dont worry. Im fine. See, I can smile :)

I know it was my fault when I cant stop hoping that everything must be perfect for me.

At the end, I realized that nothing in life was made perfect. Maybe today I hope that I would be better off dead when somebody out there just glad to know that they still have the chance to live.  Maybe today I achieved something that is beyond my expectation but on the other side of the world, someone might already gave up in themselves. It's just the matter of time. And everyone is unconsciously waiting for their turn to feel the sweetness or maybe the bitterness of their life. But the sad thing is, I never realized this. All we ever care about is being happy. We stressed too much about that without wanting to get                     hurt. But the truth is, you can't have the rainbow without rain. 

"I probably would have given up hope. I would have sunk to the floor of the bedroom and pounded my fist against the carpet wondering why in the world life was so unfair and filled with inconveniences."
-A series of Unfortunate Events (book 1)