Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Sayonara High School

Now, Im growing up. I feel like Im 18 years old. No books. No warden. No prefects. No kids. And no RULES. Will I miss the school? No. But I will definitely miss the memories I've made here. I'll miss the feeling of being there but I'm one step ahead of growing older- stepping into adulthood. And I can't wait for that because only God knows how suffering it is to face another day in high school feeling like you've tried your best but it's still wasn't good enough. It's always not good enough.

Faa told me that once she leave high school, nobody will know where she'll be at, who will she become. She wanted to start it all new, be a new person. At first, I think she was being ridiculous but as time keep on ticking, I've started to reconsider her idea and I'm growing to love it. I'll be in the school photos but the memories of me will be so blurry- it's like I never exist. But sometimes I just wonder, when my schoolmates grows older, look at their high school photos and came across my figure,

I used to ba a Battanian when I was in Form4 and a Farghanian when I was in Form5.

Its hard to believe that we have to be an adult. We have to face all those things without our friends beside us. And.. You know that moment when you look at certain photos and you caught yourself laughing or smiling because it reminded you of something you couldn't forget? Like all the memories just flash back right in front of you when you see those photos? I recognized that feeling so well. In fact, it has become an addiction to look at those photos because it reminded me of how I used to live my life the way I thought I never will- In joy.
I have been such a mess these few weeks. My feeling and emotions were (not surprisingly) mixed up. Like everything is not right these few weeks. I studied in bilik gosok aspuri everyday. Aloneeee. I have this enormous fear about not scoring my spm. I am so damn close on giving up in my studies because of the shame I'll get if I didn't score well in it. But it's funny how when you're about to give up on something, just on that moment, you realized of how bad you want it in the first place.

Dear December,
November had been giving a lot of marked in my life. Too much memories. So December, can you please be nice for me. Just for the last month in 2012 to be a 17. Oh, and you sounds lovely.

So I woke up this morning. A day after school finished. I got a message from Najlaa..

'I sat in the dorm. Alone. I browse through the room. I get image flashes of us in the dorm. Bapak kecoh korang. Nampak Yuni atas katil tengah nyanyi lagu sambil baca buku. Yan tidur sambil pegang buku dkt tangan. Pika tengah gayut dengan nabil dkt katil dia. Faa tengah gelak-gelak try to tell us something with her new upcoming hilarious stories. Fatin dkt katil study sambil texting. Haihh. Im gonna miss those moments. Thanks for everything. Thanks for giving me the best great ever a hostel life. Forget me not.' -Love, Najlaa

And it really really makes me cry. Umm. Its only for a day, but Im starting to miss all those stupid jokes from them. I miss my classmate. I miss the most annoying people there. I miss my crush. I miss my bestfriend. And.. I miss my enemy.

I am pretty much forced to clean my room in order to keep away from mum.

  • It makes walking through my room a chore, because I have to step over books/bags/papers/piles of clothes/food/anything else that has made its way to my bedroom floor.
  • It slows down my morning routine because I have to dig through my hostel things for a specific item.
  • It makes the task of finding simple objects like searching for a needle in a haystack.
Tomorrow, Im goin to clean it up. P R O M I S E

I also got a phone call from him. And I was like..

What? This is so me. He called me like an hour. He sings Little Things to me. Thank you, baby. I love you. OK.

But hey...
And if I say I love you, it means I love you.

Now, Im staying up “too late” taking too long to update this post as Im hectic before the SPM. Gah. Its 4 o'clock already. I need to get sleep. Or mum will wake up like an hour.. So, I end up this post with this picture.