Saturday, 15 September 2012

Changing.. Bad ideas..

Dear September,
'August had been really really great' - thats what my brother told me. I'm in the state of enjoying my life and being completely happy about it-perhaps-before-I-get-my-trial-result. I don't know. Oh, and August sounds creepy.

Trials had just ended and I'm very, very glad because I did it. Frankly, I didn't do my best in it. Not putting much effort to stay up and study for almost the entire night like Iman and Faa did. I never care to revise anything. Yes, I admit it. I guess this is the life you'll have when you gave up on something.

I can't stand being in my class anymore. I don't belong there. I don't belong among the people who knew exactly what they wanted to be in the future, who had their whole life figured out. I'm not being myself around them, being the part of me that I love the most. I can't. I can't carry such responsibility of being among the people that the school put hopes and expectations on. I can't live in such pressure. I wanted to score my spm, more than anything I'd ever wish for (for now). But there's just so many things blocking my way.

I just want to see my parents feel proud when they see my result. I just want to see they happy have a daughter like me. -and I just want to hear my dad say 'Ni laa anak ayah.. Ayah tahu boleh buat..'

You know how school life is like. You finished the exam and some assholes just keep on pushing the teachers to give him/her their results and joyed around about it without a little care for those of them who failed or get low marks. Heartless. But then it's just high school. Everybody have to bear the existence of those kind of people. By time I got the result, I felt like.. Is that what I only get?? Why they got higher than me? Can I be better than them in Spm? Nahh. Now, I had low self-confidence. Just because my friends, my dormates and my enemies got high marks. I dont know whats goin on with me. Dad said my result is getting worst. Yes, I KNOW.. What happened to me? WHY WHY

Meet Acha, Eriza and I in class during prep. Lol.